RPGrinders EP 747 - Burning Down the Closet

The Grinders are back for the last day of Pride 2023 and the last day of Frank Week (be sure to wish him a happy birthday!) Although Frank isn't in the LGBTQ community, he is a very vocal and supportive ally! Frank is also a great friend to his two queer co-hosts, Eric who has shared his truth without fear and Break who comes out in this very episode! Coming out can be a long hard process, good friends make it easier.

The Rainbow Flag flies high above the news portion of this episode. These games might be releasing too late for Pride 2023 but they will still be around for Pride 2024! Gravity Circuit might be releasing on July 13th but it will still be playable in 2024, as well as the fall releases Dokapon Kingdom Connect and Summon Aeterna. 

Break might be feeling strong with Pride but that doesn't mean the Grinders don't have reasons to complain. Crooked judges, cheating athletes, has been comedians, tone deaf spouses, and the corrupt courts playing politics with all of our lives. Break comes out just in time to watch one of his rights evaporate.

The Grinders won't let the bad news keep them down. There are plenty of things to celebrate! While the cowardly lion Break finally finds some Pride, the rest of the world celebrates Frank Day! Smoke a joint, hit a bong, eat some gummies, all in Frank's honor. 

In the absence of a tournament, the Grinders have plenty of time for a Free-4-All. The topic is the pacing of video games. Are games too long? Are they paced poorly? What is the right pacing for a game? Although Pride and queerness aren't a part of the discussion, they are integral to Break Man's big reveal. 

You don't have to be queer to find your own Pride. It means something different to all of us. It has a special and personal meeting for all queer people not stuck in the nightmare that is the Closet. This is the start of a new day for Break. He's finding and sharing his truth. He hopes everyone can find their truth and not be forced to hide it from the world. To all the people stuck in the closet, you aren't alone and there is help if you want it.

 

Happy Frank Day everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

A long time ago, there was a little boy that always questioned the world around him. A confusing world of binary choices, yes and no decisions. A world with no middle ground. The boy never quite felt like he fit in. Sometimes the little boy even felt more like a girl. Whenever he expressed himself outside the normal gender roles, there were those around that thought that boys should always act like boys. 

The boy would never forget and would always do his best to act like a boy, even when he didn't feel like it. The boy didn't hate being a boy, at least not all of the time. He did enjoy boy things, like He-Man and the Fall Guy. He made sure to never go anywhere near girly things, except for some stuffed animals. 

The boy got older but the world didn't get less confusing. He had learned there were two types of people, heterosexuals and homosexuals. He learned at home, in school, and in church the "evils" of homosexuality. The boy started to become less sure of his feelings. He knew he was supposed to like girls but he just tried to kiss a boy (it didn't go well, fyi.) He questioned himself. 

Was the boy as evil as the "f-words" he had been warned about? After all, he had become a willing participant of the sexual abuse of another male tween. The boy wanted it to stop because he knew it was a sin. The boy didn't want it to stop because of how good it felt. The boy got a little older and got it to stop. Not because he wanted it to stop, because he didn't want to burn in hell.

The boy, now a teenager, starts to notice girls. He had always been curious about them and what made them different. But now he wanted to touch them and kiss them. The boy knew he had to be straight then, right? Sex with the other boy was just a passing fancy, right? He tried to push the thoughts of boys out of his head. He swore to himself that he would never "check out" another guy. 

One day, the teen met a girl and wanted to spend all of his time with her. She taught the teen new things. For a while, he wasn't thinking about boys (or anyone else), she was his first kiss and his first love. But things weren't meant to be and it didn't last. With her out of his life, the old thoughts and feelings returned. The teen started feeling confused again, he liked girls not boys, but why was he dreaming of other guys? He tried to only focus on girls. He did like them. He had a lot of fun with his "first love" and saw other girls that looked like fun. 

The thoughts persisted. Am I gay, the teen asked himself almost daily. He had heard the term bisexual but according to other boys, only girls were bisexual.  

The teen's high school life didn't change until he met other kids that called themselves bi. We all knew the openly homosexual students, while we hid in plain sight. But the bi girls (of course they were girls) inspired him to see himself differently. Soon, the teen admitted to himself that he was bi but he knew he had to keep it a secret. The feeling of deep shame didn't leave. He left the church a few years ago, but the church never left him. He questioned why he was bi. Was it because he was molested? It felt good but it was still against his will. He clung to that theory, forgetting about childhood queerness and pretending that he didn't fantasize about sucking dick. 

After high school and through college, the teen experimented when he wasn't terrified. He got one ear pierced because he knew he couldn't explain both ears pierced to him parents. He grew his hair long and started shaving his body hair. He didn't really know why he wanted to, but he knew he wanted it. The world can be cruel though, the long hair invited jokes and ridicule. He cut his hair and found himself retreating to the Closet. 

He made friends in college, straight friends. After college, he got a place with his straight friends. He didn't tell them he liked guys. He hid deeper in his closet of shame and fear. He only dated girls around them. Just as he had done his entire life, he tried to be as careful with his words and mannerisms. He never wanted to appear even slightly effeminate. He feared their reactions but mostly he stayed in the closet because of his own internalized homophobia. 

Now a man, he was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with a very forgiving woman. He was lucky because he hid his qeerness from her. Shame and fear, as always. Eventually, she figured it out on her own. (He wasn't cheating, she was just perceptive.) He stayed with her. The straight girl and the bi boy. Being in love with a straight girl doesn't erase his queerness. Even if he tried to pretend otherwise. 

So many more things happened and so many more details but this is my story. A shortened version of my life. I wish I had the courage to come out in college but I'm here to tell all other closeted queers. it is NEVER too late to come out. You don't have to come out to anyone you dont want. It is your life and you choose who shares your journey. At 45, I'm not out to everyone but I start my journey as an out Bisexual Cis-Male. But us bis just prefer to be called bi, it doesn't always have to be sexual. 

 

Hi, my name is Chris. I am bi.